Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
