I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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