??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize