I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
