Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
