Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
