Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
