I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
