I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
