Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We have so much sex to catch up on
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
