One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
