I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
