I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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