people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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