I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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