when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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