It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
