Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
