evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
foreskin is a definite game changer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
