I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
