this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
