i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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