We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
