do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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