Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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