I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
