You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
