He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize