I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
