dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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