id be glad to
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
