I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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