is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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