she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So vagazzling was a success
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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