recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
