I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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