What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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