Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
