All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
