Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
