Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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