i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
