i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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