she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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