in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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