She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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