I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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