I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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