My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
