Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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