For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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