Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
