i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
