I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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