i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
