It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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