If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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