Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
